Beatles Supremacy

Watch the goliath eat a small exiled snack

First, let me apologize for the long delay. My hobby (teaching/coaching) has taken away from my day job (blogging).  Can’t say it won’t happen again, but hopefully the break will not be a month plus next time.

The Beatles are big again. Not that they ever really went away. But with the whole catalog being remastered, and Beatles: Rock Band being released, they are back in the news.  You know who hates this more than anyone else: The Rolling Stones.  Yes, the eternal debate is always Beatles vs. Stones, with the Beatles seemingly more universally regarded as the most popular/influential/best band in the history of music.  There are those sad, mistaken souls who somehow think the Rolling Stones were more influential, and more popular. And true, the fact that they have been able to continue to put out albums and tour does skew the perception a bit (some would say it dampens their legacy, but that is another debate).  But how can you argue against all that the Fab Four squeezed into the years 1962-1970?

The Beatles juggernaut continues to march on. In the words of Yogurt from Spaceballs, “Merchandizing, merchandizing, merchandizing!”. Now, I don’t think we will be seeing Beatles toilet paper or flamethrowers anytime soon (although I do plan on start an online petition when I finish writing this). But since they are now branching out into video games, it is opening them up to a brand new audience.  The Stones, on the other hand, are left to pick up the scraps, grasping for whatever they can grab.  Perhaps they are in talks with Leapfrog to come out with a Rolling Stones themed game for small children (Hey kids! Count the pills in Keith’s hand!).

Movie Ephemera

Having the summers off lends itself to some quality time with various cinematic gems.  So I’ve had myself on a steady diet of knocking out those movies that I’ve never gotten around to watching. When seemingly unrelated bits of cinema info clatter around in my brain, there is no choice but to collect them all into a tasty dish movie casserole. So dig in, but be warned: our health rating is not posted.

While listening to the B.S. report podcast 2 weeks ago, I heard Bill Simmons’  astute observation that Tim Lincecum, a pitcher for the San Francisco Giants, looks a lot like Mitch Kramer (played by Wiley Wiggins) in the classic movie “Dazed and Confused”.  I believe this is grounds to go ahead and give him the Cy Young right now.

I recently watched “North Shore” for the first time.  Having been to Hawaii this summer, the thought was that viewing this movie would be fun, since I’ve been to the North Shore. What I did not expect was a lecture series disguised as a movie.  Most action movie feature dialogue only has little as possible in order to get back to things being blown up, killed, or jumped off of. This movie kept coming back to informing the viewer about all things surfing and Hawaii. Don’t know about how a surf board is cut? Let me show you. Want to know how the ancient Hawaiians viewed the ocean? How about the customs of the locals? how to become one with the ocean? This movie has to be Bodhi’s favorite.

Watched “Misery” again.  Yep, Annie Wilkes is still maybe the craziest character in the last 20 years.  If I was a popular author and anyone claimed to be my #1 fan, I would immediately get a restraining order, reinforce my house with steel, and roll around in a bulletproof bubble for the rest of my life. A little extreme, but also effective.

I had never seen “A Few Good Men” until the last week. Must say I was underwhelmed.  Tom Cruise’s performance was dialed in straight from the “hey, look at me, I’m acting!” school of drama.  And there had to be a sitcom writer helping out. That scene where Demi Moore comes back to the door and Cruise thinks she is going to say she is falling for him, but she just tells him to wear matching socks? That would not have been out of place on “Alf” or any other cheesy sitcom from the 80’s or 90’s.  But the confrontation between Cruise and Nicholson made the whole movie worth it. Jack plays an exceptional pompous jerk, and Cruise saves the day. 

And last but not least: caught the last 30 minutes of “Wayne’s World” tonight. Definitely takes the prize of “Best SNL Skit Movie” (it was tough, going up against ”It’s Pat!” and “Stuart Smalley Saves His Family”).  and I’m at a loss as to why Alice Cooper did not get an Oscar nod. Can they create an Academy Award category for best cameo?

Point Break Live

First, there must be full disclosure. For all these years (1) now, you have been led to believe that Random Ramblings is a fully staffed internet endeavor, with multiple revenue streams going towards travel, clients, interpretive dance classes, billboard promotion, etc.  However, we (I) cannot live the lie anymore. There is only one member/CEO/Editor in Chief of Random Ramblings.  If there is ever a “we” where an “I” should be in the future, it is just self-denial creeping in. Feel free to virtually slap me in the face.  I just felt like your reading experience would be heightened by the new sense of honesty that you would feel by hearing this admission (in the great words of Marky Mark, “Feel it, feel it“). If you find yourself feeling extremely disillusioned and wanting a refund, feel free to seek out that money by whatever means necessary (extreme force, if warranted).  We will release our office location later (ie-never).

Today I viewed the cinematic goodness that is “Point Break“.  This gem from 1991 has everything you could ask for in a movie.  Keanu Reeves, surfing, Keanu Reeves using surf speak (insert obvious “how is that different from any other movie” joke here), Patrick Swayze, and no embarrassing Patrick Swayze songs on the soundtrack. Speaking of the soundtrack, there is an excellent song by Wire Train called “I Will Not Fall” that is prominently featured during a scene where Keanu Reeves’ character, Johnny Utah, is indeed trying not to fall off his surfboard. Kudos to the screenwriter for that tidbit of cleverness!)

Ok, so the movie is a bit over the top. But I still love it.  I saw it in the theater multiple times and it still holds up for that part of me that likes brainless action movies. And truth be told, it isn’t as brainless as most of Michael Bay/Jerry Bruckheimer’s swill. But is hard not to smirk when Bodhi, played subtly by Swayze, tells Utah that the secret to catching a wave is to “harness it’s energy and react to it”. or when Utah and his partner, Pappas (Busey) engage in various high fives and comraderie building yelling.

Indecent Response Unit

 

While driving down the highway one day this summer, I noticed an ambulance with the words “Indecent Response Unit” printed on the side.  I looked away, then quickly glanced back to realize that I had misread it, and that it actually said “Incident Response Unit”.  I must admit, I was dismayed. Sure, an Incident Response Unit is all the things you might guess: appropriate, helpful, beneficial, etc.  But wouldn’t life be more interesting with an Indecent Response Unit? Allow me to explain. 

You are rushing to the grocery store to buy some much needed supplies (ie: nachos) for an important meeting (ie: watching “Escape to Chimp Eden”).  You get said supplies, hurry to your car, and discover to your horror that you have locked your keys in your car.  An observant passerby notices this, and astutely calls the Indecent Response Unit. They quickly dispatch someone to assist you in your dilemma. 

You pace back and forth, counting down the minutes until you will miss how Joel is about to get his fingers eaten by a primate, when suddenly, the I.R.U. arrives.  They get out of their vehicle, ask you to explain the situation, and then proceed to berate you mercilessly for your stupidity.  They may or  may not spit on your shoes or kick dust in your general direction (depends on the experience of the I.R.T. (Indecent Response Technician).  But before they leave, you can rest assured that they will have behaved in an entirely inappropriate and degrading way.  Their job has been completed thoroughly and effectively. 

Oxygen Logic (or lack thereof)

I know James Harrison’s latest comments make an easy target. But I just can’t help myself.  In case you did not hear, the Pittsburgh Steelers Star had this to say about Obama inviting his team to the White House: “This is how I feel-if you want to see the Pittsburgh Steelers, invite us when we don’t win the Super Bowl. As far as I’m concerned, he would’ve invited Arizona if they’d won”.  

Mr. Harrison’s brilliance shines down upon the rest of us mere mortals.  It got me thinking: what else fits under the “as far as James Harrison is concerned” category. So without further ado:

As far as James Harrison is concerned:

if Obama had not won the election, McCain would’ve

if lunch were eaten later in the day, it would be called dinner

if you wore shoes on your hands instead of your feet, they’d be called gloves

if you wore gloves on your feet instead of your hands, they’d be called shoes

If you had feet where your hands are, they’d be called hands

Mr. Nostalgia

E

Viva Explosia!!

Recently, our Editor in Chief, “Mr. Rambling” to you (“me” to me), was dubbed “Mr. Nostalgic” by one our readers (at least we think she is a reader). Ok, one of our friends (at least we think she is a friend).  As we have commented on before, a plethora of our writing here tends to be focused on things from the past (and by past, we mean “80’s/90’s”). 

            Now, keep in mind that for some of the population, anything that is even remotely nostalgic must be wiped out, smote, and buried alive with a video camera inside the coffin, so the last panicked breaths can be witnessed (it’s been 4 years since I’ve seen an episode of CSI but it is clearly still with me). However, we don’t think nostalgia should be something that is feared.  It should be embraced, like a kitten you stole from your next door neighbor. But why are people afraid of/incapable of reminiscing? Some easy explanations:

A.  Their mind has been erased by a device similiar to what they use in Men in Black, whenever humans interact with aliens. 

B.  Their present is way better than their past

C.  Their future is way better than their past or present (but they won’t divulge their methods of knowing this)

D. They are not an elephant. 

Bad Advice

As I, Editor in Chief of Random Ramblings, was recently waiting for my public transit vessel to whisk me away into the city, I had two thoughts: 1. I wonder if it will smell of urine as it always does, and 2. Why is there a huge banner of Magic Johnson giving me advice? Turns out Earvin is partnered up with Aetna to form some sort of health information initiative. And the tidbit that was splayed across this banner? “Don’t be afraid to ask the doctor questions: no one ever died of embarrassment”. Well, Mr. Magic, I set out to prove you wrong. An extensive, special, and intense Random Ramblings exclusive investigation did not uncover any evidence of people dying from embarrassment, but one of our reliable “inside” sources (yahoo answers) did say that it is possible, if the person was so emabarassed that they had a heart attack. One person that replied asked the person who posted the question if they were planning on murdering someone by embarrassing them.  The reply was “not yet”.  I have contacted the appropriate authorities. 

So while there is no evidence to support my stance, I am sure that Magic Johnson is wrong. After considering how I had been lied to, yet again, by a living Basketball legend, I thought of all the other trite, cliched quotes I’ve heard in my lifetime that when examined, don’t quite hold up as true. Observe: 

The man who wins may have been counted out several times, but he didn’t hear the referee-H.E. Jansen

   While this may seem to be celebrating tenacity and the indomitable human spirit, it is actually endorsing ignoring the rules of the game you are playing.  I can testify that this does not work. When some people claim that they are playing hopscotch, but you decide that you are actually playing Randy “Macho Man Savage” vs. Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat at Wrestlemania 3, then things get a little touchy. Geez, people. Can’t you be more flexible? Sports are meant to be fun. 

A small gift is better than a great promise-German Proverb

    This quote could be true, unless the great promise was a bigger gift than what you got. Then anything goes. 

Musical Timeline, part 1

A few weeks ago, The National Evil (what we consider to be our cousin blog), made a list of one movie per year of his life that he would want National Evil Jr to view one day (see the first entry of the list here).  We were inspired. We were awed. We were intrigued by the idea of a N.E. Jr running amok in the streets of this great nation. 

This gave us an idea: what if we did the same thing with music? What if there was a time capsule, only big enough to house 1 albums per year the staff of Random Ramblings has been alive? What albums (yes, we are going to continue calling them albums, even though we were raised on cassette tapes) would we select? Which ones would only get an honorable mention? Which ones would be left out entirely? 

We made some rules for ourselves.  First, it doesn’t matter if we actually did not listen to the album when it came out.  All that matters is that we select it now, based on our current musical tastes.  Second, only one album can be selected, and only one Honorable Mention can be picked (however, it is optional).  

We found out some interesting things compiling this list.  First, the biggest travesty is that The Beatles did not make the list. We could have included their greatest hits cd “1″, or the red/blue albums that came out in 1993, but we felt like that was cheating a bit. So just know that we would sneak them in somehow. We also discovered that some years were lean (1979, 1981), and others were impossibly stacked (1987, 1993, 1994).  

Finally, we know that we are probably leaving some classics out. Feel free to tell us. But also feel free to know that a time capsule is no place for musical snobbery. You have to go with your gut.  And sometimes (or in your case, often times), your gut is wrong.

Without further ado…

1977: Fleetwood Mac-Rumours

A pre-requisite for the dazed and confused California sound of the 70’s. Who knew that dysfunctional band relations and 3/4’s of the entire Columbian supply could culminate in such a classic album? 

Honorable Mention: Saturday Night Fever Soundtrack

1978: Van Halen-Van Halen

The album that launched a 1000 tapping fools in the 80’s (guilty as charged, CC Deville).  David Lee Roth squeezed a lifetime of banshee wails into “Running with the Devil”.  And Tone Loc is probably still sending Eddie a thank you card every year for that guitar riff from “Jamie’s Cryin”. 

Honorable Mention: Big Star-3rd

1979: Led Zeppelin-In Through the Out Door

Sure, there are better Zeppelin albums (Houses of the Holy, IV, Physical Graffiti, etc).  But as their last album before John Bonham died, it is fitting to include it for future generations to hear.  If nothing else, “Fool in the Rain” makes it worthy. 

1980: AC/DC-Back in Black

This was a tough one: go with an air guitar classic, or a former Beatle regaining his mojo? In the end, the “hey, I just ate a big bowl of gravel!” vocal stylings of Brian Johnson and the maniacal schoolboy guitar wails of Angus Young won out.  The title track will forever be standard rock and roll education. 

Honorable Mention: John Lennon-Double Fantasy

1981: Journey-Escape

It would be a sin to deny the people/aliens/universal overlords from the planet Zycon the double whammy of “Don’t Stop Believin” and “Open Arms”.  With the latter, intergalactic middle school dances will forever be safe and secure. 

A Mutual Funding Shame

We here at Random Ramblings have a new category we want added to the Academy Awards.  Today we watched the last hour or so of Jackie Brown, the inevitable let down-next-move-after-Pulp Fiction for Quentin Tarantino.  And it was while watching this movie that we witnessed an art form taken to another level.  A skill perfected into a one of a kind display of dominance.  A masterpiece of unparalleled brilliance.  We are talking about the editing of a movie for basic cable. 

   We all know the drill.  Some lines have to be altered so that they can be shown on tv.  The all time champion (before today) had to be Die Hard, with it’s classic line “Yippee Ki Yay” line transformed into “Yippee Ki Yay, Mister Falcon”. This line was oft repeated among us and our friends in our younger days (Exhibit A: read the shout out to the line that The National Evil gave recently).  Runner up in this category would be in the cinematic classic Tremors, perhaps one of the most underrated movies of the last 25 years.  When the “snakeoid” crashes into the concrete wall and you see it’s innards, Kevin Bacon turns to it and screams “THAAAAAAAAAANK YOU!” That is, he does after some genius editor made it TV ready.  

Isn’t it time that we recognize these people for their hard work? Sure, you can be lazy and replace the most common expletive used with “stuff” or “spit”. But it takes a true craftsman to show some creativity. Enter Jackie Brown.  Samuel Jackson’s character spews more vulgarity than a bad boy middle schooler shoving as many 4 letter words as possible into one sentence.

Disney Observations

Last week the staff of Random Ramblings went on a trip to the Magic Kingdom, and were able to visit all of the parks.  While we did not experience any tangible examples of magic (leading us to believe that the name is a little misleading), we did have ourselves a good time.  We could not, however, turn off the journalistic sides of ourselves (because that of course is what we are doing here. What, you thought we were mostly dabbling in silly little diatribes of nonsense here? You poor, ignorant, and partially right discerner of actual journalism). 

So here are things we dug up on our extensive and thorough investigation of all things Disney:

1.  At Epcot, in The Land section, you can take a leisurely boat ride through scenes from nature and a greenhouse with various fruits and vegatables.  While on the tour they talk about all the efforts they make to save resources at Disney.  Apparently one of these things includes using video footage from the 80’s. Sometimes some resources need to be used. Also, on this ride they informed us that bananas are the most popular fruit in the world.  I did not realize there was a social status with fruit.  It’s middle school all over again. I guess popularity doesn’t matter much if you still get eaten in the end. 

2.  At the Magic Kingdom, in Tomorrowland  (the future-themed area), there is a Speedway with go-carts.  Having never been on this ride, I was excited to try something new.  However, after watching several rounds, I realized that apparently in the future, indy cars go about 10 miles per hour.  When it was my turn to drive, I realized how much I’m going to hate the future. If racecars only go this fast, then regular cars will go about 5 miles per hour. Which means that it will only take me about 3 hours to commute work in the morning. 

3.  At Disney there are an abundance of really slow rides that take you on a tour of animatronic people and scenes.  These are of course a nice chance for families to ride something together, without the fear of heights or speed that some people have.  This would be a perfect opportunity to play a light hearted trick and halfway through turn one of these rides into “Death Coaster 3000″, with loops, drops, and 75 miles per hour of sheer terror.  In the words of Dark Helmet, “Fooooled Yoooooooooou!