The FULL Review
Are you swayed by the one line reviews on movie posters? Sure, they sound good, but I’m sure you’ve noticed that it is usually not a full sentence-it’s a partial sentence, and you don’t know what the rest of it said. Well, wonder no more. Below are the complete sentences-the parts they left off the posters are in bold.
The Mummy, Tomb of the Dragon Emperor: “The Best in the Series, which is not saying much, since all three movies are steaming piles of dung“; “It’s About as Good as a Summer Action, Thrill a Minute Adventure Movie Gets, so not very good“.
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2: “Has You Laughing Out Loud at how horrible the story, acting, props, cinimatogrophy, and plot are“, “Sure to Please Women of All Ages who are fans of overdramatic, cheesy, awful movies“, “See it, so you can say that you were a witness to the movie that started the downfall of modern cinema“
Stepbrothers: “A Grown Up Comedy with a kid’s big heart, foul mouth, stupid ideas, and annoying chatter“
Kit Kittredge, American Girl: “Kit is sweet without being sappy, cute without being cloying, and horribly mediocre without being the worst movie ever made“
August 14, 2008 at 3:29 pm
The Mummy comment reminded me of something. When I went to the new Indiana Jones, I wanted to like it…alot. I did like it, but only because it was Harrison Ford and Indiana Jones, staples of my youth.
Replace Indy with Brendan Fraser and replace Shia LaBeouf and Karen Allen with that Arabian guy and the Irish guy and the movie really wouldn’t have been that much different. It felt like a Mummy movie, which is to say, it had great action, great special effects, the acting was adequate, and in the end, you leave the theater saying, “Well…there’s a movie I can say I saw.” On further reflection, though, I can’t recall the last time I was so disappointed in the ending to a movie. They tried to go too big and it didn’t work.
On Kitt Kittredge and The Sisterhood of the Traveling Ya Ya Pants, you and I are not supposed to like those movies. Those movies are for young girls…and everyone knows that women’s brains are smaller than men’s. It’s science.
August 20, 2008 at 7:38 pm
I still have not seen the new Indiana Jones. The mediocre reviews I heard from people did not spur me to see it, but I’m sure I will at some point.