For a Limited Time

   As I was walking in my local Kroger (and no I do not add an “s” onto the end of it like some of my fellow southerners), I saw a sign that proclaimed “Seafood Extravaganza: Limited Time Only”.  True, this is not a new business practice. My favorites are the car ads I used to hear where the announcer sounded like he was simultaneously snorting glue, smoking crack, and injecting steroids.  ”COME ON DOWN TO BLAHVILLE CHEVY, FOR THE TRUCKATHON’/CARSPLOSION!  FOR EVERY NEW CAR YOU BUY WE’LL GIVE YOU A HOT DOG!”.  In fact, I think the same guys did the radio ads for concerts and monster truck shows. Cue ominous guitar intro: “Live…Monday, June 2nd, at the Omni (RIP), come witness the birth of Satan’s child to the soundtrack of SLAYER, with special guest, Morbid Angel”.  

   Anyway, it got me thinking that this practice should be applied to other areas of life. Why only have sales for a limited time?  Below are some ideas for other limited time offers.  Feel free to submit your own as well.

For a Limited Time Only: 

*I will wash the dishes (for husbands/wives)

*I will pretend to be your friend (for middle school/high schoolers)

*I will seem genuinely interested in what you have to say, before I never talk to you again (for singles in social settings)

*I will change my own diaper (for infants, who are clearly faking their helplessness)

*I will act sane (Paula Abdul)

*I will actually play interesting songs (The Radio)

*I will not puncture your soul with my depressing information (The Nightly News)

*I will drive the speed limit and not 20 mph slower (the annoying person in front of me on the way to work)

*I will make sense (Geometry Proofs)

*I will not reference the 80’s (Random Ramblings)